9 min read
Dave DeWitt
:
Aug 26, 2025 4:11:41 AM
Struggling to stick to budgets despite knowing exactly what you "should" do with money? You're not alone.
Research shows that 73% of people repeatedly make the same financial mistakes, even when they understand basic money management principles perfectly.
But here's what will surprise you: after working with countless as a certified financial planner, I've discovered something that completely flips traditional financial advice on its head.
Your financial habits aren't logical decisions, they're emotional responses to past wounds.
Just like how a rescue pet cowers during thunderstorms long after finding safety, your money behaviors are protective mechanisms that developed for very good reasons. Your brain is literally trying to keep you safe.
Here's what most financial experts won't tell you: traditional budgeting advice fails because it treats symptoms while ignoring the deeper story. When your nervous system is stuck in survival mode from past financial experiences, no spreadsheet in the world can override those trauma responses.
In this comprehensive guide, you'll discover:
This isn't another budgeting guide, it's a roadmap to understanding your unique money story and creating financial strategies that work with your brain, not against it.
Think about how money makes you feel in your body right now.
Does checking your bank account make your heart race? Maybe you avoid opening bills because they trigger memories of past struggles. Perhaps you feel a knot in your stomach when someone mentions retirement planning.
These aren't character flaws, they're emotional responses to your money story.
Here's what I've learned working with countless ADHD clients: our brains don't just struggle with executive function around money. We're also carrying invisible wounds from past financial experiences that make traditional budgeting advice feel impossible to follow.
Research from the Financial Planning Association shows that financial programs teaching emotional intelligence actually work 3x better than those focused just on numbers. When we acknowledge the human side of money, we start healing our relationship with it at a deeper level.
Real Example: Sarah, one of my clients, put it perfectly: "I thought I was just bad with money. Turns out, I was just scared."
Have you ever wondered if your spending habits are actually trying to protect you from something?
Most people think financial trauma only happens after major events like bankruptcy or job loss. But here's what trauma experts have discovered: financial trauma can develop from seemingly "normal" childhood experiences.
Financial trauma is the emotional and psychological distress caused by negative financial experiences that significantly impact your well-being.
Unlike everyday financial stress, financial trauma leaves deep-rooted wounds that affect multiple aspects of your life.
Everyone's financial trauma looks different, but here are the three most common patterns I see:
Maybe you hoard money because you once experienced devastating loss. Every dollar spent feels like a step closer to disaster. You might have $50,000 in savings but still panic about buying groceries.
Real Example: "I had a client who kept $80,000 in a checking account earning 0.01% interest because putting it in investments felt 'too risky', even though she was losing thousands to inflation every year."
Perhaps you overspend to feel temporarily safe or worthy. That dopamine hit from purchasing something new quiets the anxiety, at least for a moment. You know you shouldn't, but the relief feels necessary.
Maybe you shut down completely when financial decisions come up. Your brain literally goes offline rather than risk making the "wrong" choice. Bills pile up not because you can't pay them, but because looking at them feels overwhelming.
These patterns aren't random, they're protective responses developed from your unique financial history. What's fascinating is that these behaviors often make perfect sense when you understand someone's backstory.
For us ADHDers, this creates a perfect storm. Our irregular dopamine signaling already makes it challenging to maintain motivation for long-term financial goals. Add trauma responses on top of that, and you've got a recipe for financial chaos that no amount of willpower can fix.
According to trauma experts, recognizing the signs of financial trauma is essential for healing. But here's what most people don't realize, these signs often look like "bad money habits" or "lack of discipline."
See if any of these sound familiar:
Using shopping as emotional regulation. That Amazon cart isn't just about wanting stuff; it's about soothing your nervous system. You might find yourself buying things you don't need when you're stressed, anxious, or feeling unworthy.
Persistent fear of spending money, even when necessary. You might have plenty saved but still feel terrified to spend on basic needs.
Real Example: One client had $100,000 saved but wore shoes with holes because buying new ones felt "wasteful."
Obsessing over every financial detail. Your brain gets stuck in loops, calculating and recalculating scenarios that might never happen. You check your bank balance multiple times a day, not for planning purposes, but for anxiety relief.
Deliberately avoiding bank statements, bills, or money conversations. The shame and overwhelm feel too big to face. You might go months without checking accounts or opening mail from financial institutions.
That consuming worry about losing everything, even when you're objectively doing okay financially. You might have steady income and savings but still lie awake at night worried about becoming homeless.
ADHD doesn't necessarily cause your money struggles. When I look at clients with clearly raging ADHD who have mountains of cash, what's the difference? Often it's their childhood money lessons.
Your philosophy about money, your beliefs about money, your relationship to money, these aren't symptoms of ADHD. They're formed early in life, and we need to address those root causes alongside our ADHD-friendly systems.
Standard financial advice fails because it treats symptoms while ignoring the deeper story. Most financial programs assume you're operating from a logical, present-moment awareness. They don't account for the fact that your nervous system might be stuck in survival mode from past experiences.
Think about the last time someone told you to "just make a budget and stick to it." How did that feel in your body? Probably overwhelming, right?
For us ADHDers, if we struggle with our impulsivity expressing itself in reckless spending, we must get a handle on that.
I fully acknowledge the reality that exists for an ADHDer where you have the practical knowledge and the desire, but you are stuck in habitual ADHD-fueled patterns that keep getting in your way every time you start to make progress.
When someone with financial trauma tries to follow a traditional budget, they're essentially asking their traumatized nervous system to trust a system that feels unsafe.
It's like asking that rescue pet to stop cowering during thunderstorms by showing them weather data. The logical brain understands, but the emotional brain is still in protection mode.
Here's what's really happening in your brain when financial trauma gets triggered:
Your amygdala (the brain's alarm system) doesn't distinguish between a saber-tooth tiger and an overdue bill. When it perceives threat, it hijacks your prefrontal cortex (the part responsible for logical decision-making).
This is called an "amygdala hijack," and it happens in milliseconds. Your body floods with stress hormones, your heart rate increases, and your ability to think clearly goes offline.
This is why you might know exactly what you "should" do with money but find yourself unable to follow through. Your brain is literally prioritizing survival over spreadsheets.
For ADHD brains, this gets even more complex. We already struggle with executive function - the mental skills that include working memory, flexible thinking, and self-control. Add trauma responses, and traditional financial advice becomes nearly impossible to implement.
What makes trauma-informed financial healing so effective is that it transforms abstract financial concepts like saving into a visible, concrete system.
You're not just saying no to a purchase and getting nothing. You're earning something you can see and feel safety, security, and self-compassion.
This bridges that gap by providing that missing dopamine hit for productive behaviors that our irregular dopamine signaling makes so difficult to maintain naturally.
What would your relationship with money look like if you designed it around your unique brain and history instead of fighting against them?
Financial therapy combines behavioral therapy with financial coaching to help improve your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors around money.
Unlike traditional financial advisors who focus on reaching financial goals, financial therapists explore the feelings and beliefs behind your financial habits.
| Traditional Financial Advice | Financial Therapy Approach |
|---|---|
| "Save 20% of your income" | "What does saving mean to you? What happens in your body when you think about putting money away?" |
| Focus on numbers and goals | Explore feelings and beliefs behind financial habits |
| One-size-fits-all solutions | Personalized approach based on your unique money story |
| Treats symptoms | Addresses root causes |
The healing process typically involves three phases:
Building emotional regulation skills and creating psychological safety around money conversations. This is our longest and arguably most important stage.
We're not jumping into budgets or investment strategies. We're learning to feel safe in our bodies when money topics come up. We're developing tools to stay present instead of getting hijacked by past experiences.
Gently exploring and reprocessing the traumatic financial experiences that created your current patterns. We're not just talking about trauma and its impact, we're actively working through it.
This might involve techniques like EMDR, somatic experiencing, or narrative therapy. The goal is to help your nervous system understand that past financial threats are no longer present dangers.
Developing new, healthier financial behaviors that align with your authentic self rather than your trauma responses. This is where you learn to thrive, not just survive.
These phases aren't linear. We can move from phase one to phase two and back to phase one. There's lots of movement because we want to maintain that safety and stabilization throughout the process.
Our financial healing journey doesn't look the same for everyone.
Your money story is uniquely yours. It's shaped by family patterns, cultural messages, and personal experiences.
Maybe you grew up watching parents fight about money. Perhaps you experienced food insecurity. Or maybe you internalized messages about not being "worthy" of financial success.
Real Example: One client grew up in a family where money was always scarce, but her parents never talked about it directly. Instead, she learned that wanting things was "selfish" and that good people don't care about money. As an adult, she couldn't advocate for raises or charge appropriately for her services because her nervous system equated financial success with being a bad person.
Real Example: Another client's family had plenty of money, but it came with strings attached. Love was conditional on performance, and money was used as a weapon in family conflicts. As an adult, he alternated between compulsive earning (to prove his worth) and self-sabotage (because success felt dangerous).
When we design financial strategies around our authentic selves instead of forcing ourselves into one-size-fits-all solutions, something magical happens.
We start making decisions from a place of present awareness rather than past fear.
This shift doesn't just change your bank account – it transforms your entire relationship with value, worth, and possibility.
If you recognize yourself in this description, here are some gentle first steps you can take today:
Notice your body's responses to money situations without trying to change them yet. What happens in your chest when you check your bank balance? Do your shoulders tense when someone mentions retirement planning?
Practice this: Before opening your banking app, take three deep breaths and notice what you're feeling. Don't judge it, just observe.
Your financial behaviors developed for good reasons; they're not character flaws. That compulsive spending? It might have been the only way your younger self knew how to feel safe.
Try this reframe: Instead of "I'm so bad with money," try "My money behaviors developed to protect me, and now I'm learning new ways to feel safe."
Consider working with professionals (such as certified financial therapists and planners) who understand both the emotional and practical aspects of money. We exist, and we get it.
Look for professionals who specifically mention trauma-informed approaches or who have training in both financial planning and mental health.
Before tackling budgets, work on feeling safe in your body around money topics. Deep breathing, grounding exercises, whatever helps you stay present.
Simple technique: The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding method. Notice 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste.
Financial struggles are often the result of systemic issues, not personal failures. You're not broken; you're human.
Remember: The same economic system that makes it nearly impossible for most people to build wealth also tells us that financial struggles are personal moral failings. Both of these things can't be true.
Now you have a complete understanding of why your "bad" money habits are actually brilliant survival mechanisms, and a roadmap for healing your relationship with money from the inside out.
This isn't guesswork; it's a trauma-informed, ADHD-friendly approach that addresses root causes, not just symptoms.
Of course, knowing this framework and implementing it efficiently are two different things. What took me years to develop as a certified financial planner doesn't happen overnight.
Like any healing journey, this becomes more natural with the right guidance and support.
These results happen when you address both the emotional and practical sides of money management.
This shift doesn't just change your bank account, it transforms your entire relationship with value, worth, and possibility.
When you're no longer operating from financial trauma you can:
The Truth: The path forward isn't about perfecting another budget. It's about understanding your unique money story, healing the wounds that drive your behaviors, and creating financial strategies that work with your brain, not against it.
The question isn't whether you can heal your relationship with money, it's whether you're ready to start that journey today.
If you are ready to begin that journey and dive deeper, get my free Unbudget Lite system that transforms the visual, flexible approach I described into a concrete tool you can start using today.
This is the same foundation my clients use to finally make peace with money management.
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